A Change Will Do You Good?

The morning came earlier than I wanted it to. I still pulled myself up out of bed, donned my robe and made my way to the keyboard. Do not pass go, do not collect your morning coffee.

The girls and Brisco were still sleeping soundly in their bed. All three of them lying next to each other. It warms my heart. Almost the way I am sure a mother's heart is warmed when she peeks in on her sleeping children before the sun is fully up in the sky. The girls' ages are really showing. They used to wake me at 6 am ready to go outside and get their morning constitution done with. After their potty break, they would roam the yard for whatever new and exciting scents the night creatures had left behind.

Now, in their old age they barely step out the door, hurry with their mission and turn right back around to come inside so they can return to their beds. They stirred around 9 this morning. Hurried through the patio to the grass then spun back around to find the warmth of the bed in the kitchen. Hunger hasn't even bothered to disturb their morning dreams. I love my girls. I will be crushed when it's time to say goodbye to them. We always say we don't have it in us, but we do. As heartbreaking as it is. As much as we wish it would never happen, we survive it. It took me months to recover from losing Jake. I still miss her. Sometimes I still think I can feel her curl up with me at night. She's been gone three years now.

I realise life is about change. Most often, I find change exhilarating (I hear Cheryl Crow belting out "A change will do you good..."). Other times, when I think of the ending that comes with it, I want to weep.

Listen to Shaw

Been pondering life a LOT lately. More than usual.










I have always kept a journal. Wrote in it(them- one journal became stacks) every day. For years. What a great release. Sometimes I stumble across the box I keep them in. It's impossible to not reach in and pull one out. When I look back into my life sometimes I smile, sometimes I feel sad from the memory, sometimes I can even feel myself blush. LOL I blush because I can not believe how stupid some of my entries are. Regardless of the emotion they bring forward in me, I still cherish the memories.

Blogging helped me do the same thing my journals do. Release whats pent up in my head. Good or bad. I started this as a way to keep everyone up on Marc's triathlons. It became something more than that. So much more. I have met incredible people through this blog. I'm so grateful for this place I come to. I have stayed away for too long again. It's time for me to return. It's time for me to create again.

Shaw wrote - "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." What do you do if you liked who you were and don't recognise who you have become? Do you recreate yourself again or do you try to find your way back to who you were? Can you ever find your way back to who you used to be? Maybe you can create a newer version but I don't think you can ever be who you were- ever again. Changes create shifts in everything. Your way of thinking, your way of observing, how you interact with others, it changes your perspective. Shaw was right, you will never find yourself, you are faced with staying the same or creating a new, better, more improved you. You have to, or you'll never know how to be happy. At least that is my perspective on the subject.

Rose Tinted Words

Wow, it's really dusty in here. I have been gone a long time and didn't realise just how quickly the cobwebs can fill all the empty spaces.

My blog has always been a place for me to let my thoughts wander and meander around this crazy life I have. The one certain thing is I always tried to keep a positive spin on whatever I would post. Sometimes I didn't always accomplish that task but those times were always few and far between.

Again... Wow! October...my last post. I can't even begin to tell you how many posts I have written in my mind only to take the big pink eraser and wipe it all clean from my brain. I just couldn't seem to find my positive spin. You know, those Rose Tinted Words that make life a nice place to hang out. Well, in my world any ways. I like Rose tinted words. I like thinking that no matter how bad today is, if I can make it through today, I can make it through anything. Therein lies the root of my dilemma..I have said the words and I know they are true I just don't know that I believe them any more. Oxymoronic (word?? lol) as that sounds that is how I feel.

Yes, times are hard everywhere. Great, does that make me feel any better about my situation? No. Not even in the slightest.

My girlfriend Suzi insists that I am the strongest person she knows. She reminds me every time we talk that my spirit is unbreakable and that my ability to see life through my rose colored glasses still lives in my soul. She tells me each time that I am like a Phoenix that always manages to rise from the ashes of the flames. I want to believe what she tells me. She isn't the sort of friend who would tell me pretty little lies with rose tinted words just to boost my self esteem. No, that's not Suzi. She would never do that because she is my friend. She only deals in honesty. Like me. Knowing this about her makes me stop and listen when she talks with me. Lately though, the words just aren't sounding in my heart. Lately, I just want to shut the door and crawl back under the covers. I just want the flames to consume me without any expectation that I rise again.

Peace

Things always seem to be crazy don't they? Does anyone ever really have any down times these days? We wish for it and we say we want it but our actions always seem to tell a different story. You know what I mean. You are enjoying a wonderful quiet evening at home. You haven't had one in months. It is a luxury that seems too precious to let pass. Then, the phone rings. You tell yourself not to answer it. To just sit where you are in your solace and relax without any of the outside world interrupting. Instead, you look at the caller ID. Crap. You know that if it weren't important, this person wouldn't be calling to begin with....what do you do?

Once Again - Anonymous

We here in the Land Of Blog all know about the cowardly types who post negative and/or foul messages on ours or our friends' blog posts. Well, the world of cowards is not limited to your posts or mine. Here is a band of Liberal Cowards who think that breaking the LAW is acceptable and they believe because they remain "Anonymous" they are untouchable.
I DESPISE cowards. Regardless of their political affiliation. Conservative or Liberal. Hold your head up if you are willing to shred another person either personally or politically. Anonymous people are despicable wastes of good oxygen.
I read this post this morning and I am sharing it with you- NOT as a political statement but rather as a statement to just how low some people are willing to go to try and "win". Win with honor for crying out loud. Otherwise, take your sniveling, "I am a victim" attitude and slink back into the sewage you crawled out of.

EDIT: I am adding this little addition to my original post because I did not expound enough on why I posted this article.
Running for public office does not mean that you are no longer protected by this countries laws. This piece of crap group is NOT entitled to violate ANYONE's personal rights as an AMERICAN CITIZEN. IT IS NOT OKAY. Without exception. Hands down, no way, no how, not today, not tomorrow and not yesterday. NEVER. This doesNOT fall under the mistaken idea that being a public figure exempts you from a private, personal life. In additon, there are many, many times that government officials HAVE to communicate outside of their "govt network" because of the restrictions and requirements used for the internet highway the govt provides. This issue is NOT about what was exchanged between Palin or anyone else. It is about the violation of her "certain inalienable" RIGHTS. SHE IS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!!!!! Now, lets pretend just for a moment, that you are the subject of this disgusting display of cowardice. Lets pretend that someone hacked into your life. They stole everything they could get their hands on and broadcast it to the entire world. I'll pretend that it's okay...

Left Wing Group Hacks Palin's EmailBy Caleb HoweSep 17th 2008 3:30PM

Filed Under:eBreaking News, 2008 President, Scandal, Media, Sarah Palin

The ill-defined protest "group" known as Anonymous, famous both for their campaign against Scientology and their strange protest activities, has hacked Gov. Sarah Palin's private email account and posted some of the contents online.

Internet "griefing" is a key component of the activities of Anonymous, and this is no exception. The full text of two private emails, as well as the screenshot of Palin's inbox and some of her family photos were added to the site wikileaks. The purported reasoning is that they are blowing the whistle on Palin using private email addresses for public business. However, as pointed out at Network World, the two example emails do not support the assertion, as they involve political material not permissible for use with a government email address.

Anonymous may be unaware, but elected officials not only may use private email addresses to correspond with other public officials, they actually must if it is material deemed not appropriate. For example, if Nancy Pelosi wanted to send the latest Michael Moore video to Howard Dean, she'd have to use her yahoo email address to do it, not her house email. So a bunch of addresses of people like Arnold Schwarzenegger showing on the list is evidence of nil.
The face of the controversy could change as the contents of the remainder of the emails are parsed ad nauseum by the online left, as you know they will. The current takeaway is clear: as the last two weeks have shown, the online left and their traditional media enablers will stop at nothing, not even the law, in their bloodthirsty quest to tear Gov. Sarah Palin limb from limb. It will be instructive to see who, if anyone, can be bothered to condemn this hack job.

UPDATE: The McCain campaign has issued a statement: "This is a shocking invasion of the Governor's privacy and a violation of law. The matter has been turned over to the appropriate authorities and we hope that anyone in possession of these emails will destroy them. We will have no further comment."

It is amusing to see, this week, a half-hearted attempt by the DNC and media outlets to paint the McCain campaign as playing dirty. Obama's religiously devoted followers, including on blogs and in the press, have been doing his dirty work for months, and much dirtier than the McCain campaign could ever hope to stoop to. It's a neat trick to try and avoid getting Obama's hands dirty, and I recall a lot of people earlier this year whining that surrogates were doing McCain's dirty work for him. Yet the most significant Democrat blog online openly admits to doing so on behalf of Obama.

The number of lines willing to be crossed in the Palin witch-hunt the last few weeks continues to grow. From spreading rumors about her children to questioning her as a mother ... hacking her private email account and posting her private family photos online fits in perfectly. I have no doubt we'll soon hear a defense of the importance of this illegal activity to the political process. Steal personal email, don't steal press release prayers. Claim Palin's children are fair game because they are with in her public now and then, claim Michelle Obama is not fair game despite being a speech-making, event-hosting part of the campaign.

Anonymous may be anonymous, but their tactics are as plain as day. It's Obama Supporter 101. Do as he wants, not as he pretends not to do. Anonymous broke the law, but they kept the spirit of the left perfectly intact.

Update: Tonight, Unusable Signal is live on the air at 11pm. Unusable Signal is the number one progressive/liberal talk show at blogtalkradio, and I cohost on Fridays and Saturdays. Tonight it will be hosted by Tom Fitzsimmons and AOL's Tommy Christopher. I'll be calling in and taking questions as well. I'm persuadable on the definition of Anonymous as left wing.

If you are not as furious as I am about how this person's Rights as an American Citizen have been violated, maybe we as a country should be re-examining why we even BOTHER to elect our officials. From now on, let's just draw straws because after all, if you don't care about the flagrant violation of a fellow citizen's rights, why bother.

Open Up My Head and Let me Out

I am sure someone out there knows what I am talking about. I am pooped. Exhausted. Slam Tired. When does it end?

This year has been a crazy year for me. Not a bad year, just tons going on. The bad...well, it could be worse and it's not. The good has far outweighed any bad. I just feel as though I haven't had any real down time. Time to sit in quietude and let my thoughts gather a little dust. You know the dust. That dust that I am supposed to be wiping off of the TV and it's cabinet. The dust that covers the bathtubs in both guest rooms. The dust that accumulates everywhere you tend to look. When the hell does dust show up any way? Who opened the door and invited it in? Wasn't me. Hell no, I would have slammed the door square in it's face, no hesitation, no remorse. Unless of course it wanted to find refuge in my brain for 10 days...

I have filled my brain with quite a number of literary works this past year. Branched out with a couple of new authors. Totally dig it when I find a new author that I like. Call me a bit of a snob about reading a good yarn. When reading a story, I like a nice tight, cohesive story. No "whoops" allowed. I mean, come on, don't try to slip crap in the story that you(the author) have already discredited in a previous chapter. What the hell? Am I stoopid too? Tired and stoopid, that's me. Yes, I know stupid is spelled incorrectly, just trying to drive home a point.

Okay - I'm done D.U.N. done. No more moaning. Good books, love them I can usually devour 2 or 3 a week. Anyone have some interesting fodder for the brain to recommend? I am currently not reading any self help or DIY books. Hold those recommendations for later times. Historical reference style books, also off the list. Give me witty, cleverly written, "this has absolutely no societal connotations whatsoever". Show me some good dark mystery or sci-fi or scary stuff or mind benders. I have read everything out there by S.King, D. Koontz, A.Rice, N.Demille, T.Clancy, Grisham, Chrichton, and many others. Show me someone new who has the ability to spin a good yarn.

This photo has absolutely NOTHING to do with my post - It's just a freakin' awesome shot. Go here to see more of Todd Gustafson's work.

Particpate or Observe?

Which are you? Do you participate in life or do you tend to observe life? I have always considered myself the type who participates. I don't do well sitting on the sidelines and observing. Lately though, I am not so sure I can say I am participating. In anything. I am not having a pity party or sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Not at all. I just don't have the push or the drive to do anything that involves having to interact.

Most of you know, there have been a lot of changes here at The House of Bigun. My company has closed. I have found a job with another Design Firm. It's a good company with a good reputation and it's weathering the economic slump. I work with great people and the owner is a jewel. Truly. So, what's my problem?

Bigun is pushing to get his Installation Co. up and running. He is so far past wanting to do lawn care now. Who can blame him? Not me.

I have been hanging out in facebook a lot lately. Playing a game, Space Raiders. Actually, it's more than just a game. It's a habit forming addiction. I can't help it. Me. The non - video/computer game player. It's not even as though it has any virtual reality to it. When Bigun first "recruited" me, I thought it was utterly stupid. So stupid in fact I was slightly insulted that he thought I would be even remotely interested in it. Humpff! I guess the joke is on me. I can't pull myself away from it. Well, it is waning a little. The developers of SR have now come out with a bolder, fresher game called Clan Wars. It's cool. Just not the same.

So, I am making my way back to being a participator, I am. I don't make a very good observer. Where's my kayak......?

BTW -Which are you?

I saw this on a friend's blog - OMG!!!! LOVE her!!