The Great Depression

Last night I was laying in my bed, snug in the soft comfort of a mattress that has shaped itself around my body, scrunching my eyes trying to focus on things in the darkness. It wasn't as if I was interested in viewing the items I was 'focusing' on. It was more to see if I could. My vision has been perfect for most of my life. A few years ago, that changed and regardless of the fact that I have been living with this less than perfect vision for about 4 years, I still try to focus. On everything.

I suppose this depresses me a little, my inability to focus on things that were once easy to focus on without even a thought. Not even a blip on the radar screen in my brain. It simply was. While I was lying in the dark, failing at practicing my focus techniques, I also began to take a mental inventory of my life. Yes, I did a quick inventory of my 'things'. In the grand scheme of life, 'things' or material possessions are ultimately meaningless. So why is it then I am having such an excruciating heartache over whether or not to sell my red sofa? The logical part of me knows that I don't need it, I could do better by getting a dining table in it's place. But my emotional side, takes one look at that sofa and it's impossible for me to part with it. Ridiculous. This illogical behavior, it depresses me a little.

Adding up all of my life's 'blessings' comes easy when I'm laying there in that soft hollow, in the dark listening to the sounds of everything around me. The train whistle outside, the kitten's paws padding across the floor, my other kitteh chirping as if he's a beacon for the kitten to find her way onto the bed with us. Marc breathing heavy and mumbling in his sleep. A dog barking across the courtyard in some random apartment. Even in silence, there is never silence......my thoughts bouncing around inside my head, talking to me in a soft quiet voice that's barely audible. I count all of those sounds as blessings and I count all of the wonderful people in my life as blessings and I count this slightly body shaped depression in my mattress as a blessing, I call it The Great Depression. All of these things added together overwhelm me in their greatness and beauty. I am a lucky woman and every night I'm able to lay there in that wonderful soft place and reflect on what I have rather than what I don't have.