Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I Want Truffles

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Where did I hear that? Right. Well, Forest's Mom was right. And let me tell you, right now, I must have the cheapest, crappiest box of chocolates out there because they pretty much suck. I am over it. I am pitching out the rest of this crappy chocolate and I am headed straight for the truffle counter! Give me dark chocolate filled with raspberries. Give me creamy chocolate with a dark fudge center and while you are at it, roll that son of a bitch in some bitter sweet chocolate powder. 'Cause that's how I play it. I want to choose what I'm going to get, I am tired of it being handed over to me with out any say so on my part. Dammit. Life, you can keep the crappy stuff, give me the good stuff. And that's all I got to say 'bout that.
Okay, so maybe I have a little more to say. Can you say cathartic? I am already feeling that way and I am just getting started. My posts have been few and far between lately. My plates have been full and instead of saying enough, I have just been taking it. So, it's time for a change.

Sure, there are some things in this life you are powerless to do anything about. My dad and his many health issues. His insistence that he knows better than his Doc who diagnosed him with Diabetes. Hello, you have diabetes, you take your medication. Am I right? Well, I can't do anything about the choices my Dad is making but life insists that I still have to deal with the consequences. He just came out of spinal surgery May 20th. I was there, in NC ,for his surgery. I stayed for a week. Discovered that he has not been taking his medication for almost a year. His going blind has no correlation to his diabetes and it going untreated. No, of course not. His relentless pain cannot be solved by physical therapy, just ask him, he'll tell you. His poor circulation and bad ticker don't benefit from exercise. Again, ask him, he'll give you, me and anyone who'll listen an earful. I am tired. The love I have for my Dad is true and it's deep, but he doesn't hear anything I have to say. I am helpless to help him. I am too tired now to keep trying.

The day after I got home from North Carolina I learned that a friend of ours had died. He left 3 young boys and a loving, adoring wife behind. Yes, he left them. He was a good man, someone I admired and respected. Tom suffered from incredible pain left over from a Pro Football career. To help with the pain he took pain killers. They just never seemed to help him though. Each and every day for him wasn't about whether or not he would be in pain but rather it was about what degree of pain could he manage. Most days, the pain won out and he succumbed. Finally, in the end, he has found relief. We attended his funeral last Friday.

The day before the funeral my business partner and I agreed to a divorce. My company is closing. All of the hard work I put into building it is gone. It's done. Over. The doors will close permanently at the end of this month. In the mean time I am watching everything go out the door to be pedaled away for pennies on the dollar. I am heartbroken. I am lost. I am sad. I am tired.

There are a couple of options open to me. I know there are. One seems really great, but it is still not an absolute. One possibility may take me out to Momo's neighborhood...still, nothing solid. Things in my life are headed for definite change. HUGE change. Hope I can make my car payment in the mean time.

So, as for the frigging box of chocolates, I am done with it. My stance is like I said earlier, front and center at the truffle line, choosing what comes next. Maybe I'll have some lovely choclates filled with rum...
EDIT: BTW - I AM an ENTJ!!! Dammit.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

You deserve those truffles, Di!!

And, while chocolate won't solve problems, it sometimes helps us deal. ;-)

My condolences on the loss of your friend and your business divorce. Your Dad's situation is difficult, and I am sorry you are left to deal with the fallout.

Supalinds said...

Di, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, friend, and business. All of those deserve their own story and own grief. Unfortunately, they all have unwrapped at once. You seem like an incredibly strong women. I hope truffles are on their way! You deserve them.

**Sending positive thoughts your way**

21stCenturyMom said...

bummer, bummer, bummer. I've had my business go south due to partner divorce - twice. Not pretty and sad but once it's over the stress of not dealing with that stuff is GONE!

You have a great attitude. Enjoy those truffles!

Jumper 2.0 said...

Definitely a hard time for you know, my condolences!

So you gave in to the "you are not an introvert" argument? A person can have lots of extrovertedness about them(if thats a word), but if it exhausts you physically and/or mentally you are still an introvert.

Enjoy the truffles.

SingletrackJenny (formerly known as IronJenny) said...

I am so sorry for all the stresses you have on your plate right now. You are right to only have DARK chocolate on your plate instead.
Lots of love, Jenny
p.s. - Should I feel bad that I outed you as an extrovert? ;-)
xoxoxoxo

Andra Sue said...

Hugs and good chocolate to you! I am so sorry to hear about all of this.

No words of wisdom, other than change happens for a reason...whether we're ready for it or not. You'll figure out eventually what purpose it has in your life. I'm sure of that.

In the meantime, keep your head up. :)

Unknown said...

While you're at it get yourself 2 BIG boxes of your favorites and pick up a big bottle of fancy champagne to wash them down.
You deserve it - big hugs.

Spokane Al said...

Well, the good news is that you managed to wrap your current difficulties in life around chocolate, so there is hope.

I trust things will get better going forward - keep pushing and believing and eating chocolate. And if things get dark again, give the big guy a smack - he can handle it.

Rainmaker said...

Hang in there...things get better eventually. Life sometimes has suck-ass ways of revealing change, but most times in the end it brings new and interesting things.

And if you go dark and raspberry, at least go European or Californian - no supermarket stuff.

Carrie said...

Anything that would take you to Momo's neck of the woods is a blessing! If you happen to bring those chocolates to CdA- don't worry- I'll help you polish them off. Really, I'd do that for a friend.

Big hugs Di!

SWTrigal said...

Wow-that is one rough patch..I am so sorry for your losses and dad issues..We will all be in Coeur d'Alene soon and hopefully will help you heal some..
:)

tri-mama said...

dang. (that doesn't really work)

damn.

Let us know if there is anything we can do-and in the meantime, know we care about you guys, we love you and we are praying for you in all of this.

Oly said...

Thinking about you Di.

I've got this invention idea you might be able to help me with... we could all have matching minis and live on an island somewhere if it works.

Take care girl.

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

{{{{Di}}}}} have yourself some truffles, sweetie, and a nice long hot soak. And if I may be so bold and selfish, take a look at Albuquerque, as well. WAY better weather and still near Phoenix, (sorry, Momo, but it's true) plus, it's a mile above sea level (good training grounds) Meanwhile, make sure you take really good care of yourself. You're important to a lot of people who care about you.

S. Baboo said...

Take care Di, in a couple of weeks we can all get together and I can tell outrageous lies about Bigun and I have some whoppers…seriously, you’ll be surprised.

Iron Krista, "The Dog Mom" said...

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.... You are such an amazing person and deserve ONLY the best!

And BTW. I would be so freaking excited if you ended up HERE!!! We could have far too much fun!

Michele said...

Sorry about the rough patch. Hope those cheap chocolates become truffles soon.

Fe-lady said...

Hey Di...so sorry to hear about your bumps in the road. I am sure many of them seem entirely overwhelming right now, especially when they hit you one, two, three like this.
I know what I am bringing you when we see each other in CDA...!!!!!
and please let me buy you your first drink while we are waiting for Bigun to cross the line! (A chocolate martini perhaps? If there is such a thing).
HUGS to you!

Brent Buckner said...

ouch.

Best wishes for snuffling truffles.

TRI-ROB said...

I, for one, promise to shove a truffle in your mouth and give you a HUMONGOID squeeze at CdA!

Breathe girly....

Just breathe...

Cindy Jo said...

When it rains, it pours Di! So sorry to hear of all the shit you've been dealing with. But things will turn the corner soon - you just have to hang in there!