Wow, it's really dusty in here. I have been gone a long time and didn't realise just how quickly the cobwebs can fill all the empty spaces.My blog has always been a place for me to let my thoughts wander and meander around this crazy life I have. The one certain thing is I always tried to keep a positive spin on whatever I would post. Sometimes I didn't always accomplish that task but those times were always few and far between.
Again... Wow! October...my last post. I can't even begin to tell you how many posts I have written in my mind only to take the big pink eraser and wipe it all clean from my brain. I just couldn't seem to find my positive spin. You know, those Rose Tinted Words that make life a nice place to hang out. Well, in my world any ways. I like Rose tinted words. I like thinking that no matter how bad today is, if I can make it through today, I can make it through anything. Therein lies the root of my dilemma..I have said the words and I know they are true I just don't know that I believe them any more. Oxymoronic (word?? lol) as that sounds that is how I feel.
Yes, times are hard everywhere. Great, does that make me feel any better about my situation? No. Not even in the slightest.
My girlfriend Suzi insists that I am the strongest person she knows. She reminds me every time we talk that my spirit is unbreakable and that my ability to see life through my rose colored glasses still lives in my soul. She tells me each time that I am like a Phoenix that always manages to rise from the ashes of the flames. I want to believe what she tells me. She isn't the sort of friend who would tell me pretty little lies with rose tinted words just to boost my self esteem. No, that's not Suzi. She would never do that because she is my friend. She only deals in honesty. Like me. Knowing this about her makes me stop and listen when she talks with me. Lately though, the words just aren't sounding in my heart. Lately, I just want to shut the door and crawl back under the covers. I just want the flames to consume me without any expectation that I rise again.
