Fealty

As of late I have been pondering what it truly means to love someone. What exactly IS love and exactly what are MY expectations in regard to loving and being loved? How do I gauge if a person is the right fit for what I have to give and what I expect in return. We like to say love is unconditional but in reality, love has conditions. If we love someone, we want to be loved in return. That is a condition. Ultimately we need love to give love. Otherwise, as humans, we will be deprived of the thing we most need to be compassionate and empathetic human beings. But I digress, back to what I think it means to love someone, this is what I came up with...

When you have chosen to enter into a relationship, whether it is friendship, family, marriage,  there is an unwritten contract you have entered into. Essentially the contract is an agreement that you will be good to each other, that you will not purposely hurt or betray the other person's trust in you. When you love someone you have sworn fidelity, loyalty, you have a commitment of faith and truth... at least that is what you should have. Yes, I realize I've broken it down into simple terms. Sometimes simple is the best way to begin things. 

Dictionaries have attempted to define love for us. They have failed. They have failed to define love because love cannot be defined merely with words. No, I am not holding a claim to know any more or to know any better than those folks at Merriam-Webster, but I do have my own take on what Love is. From my perspective, if dictionaries are going to offer up words to help with the definition of LOVE they should consider the word "fealty". Look it up. Don't make me do the work for you, if you don't know what it means, look the word "fealty" up and then get back here and finish reading this entry. Hurry, don't dawdle, m'kay? 

Fealty is an old word, and in its strictest definition is a reference to vassal and Lord. If we attempt to explore fealty in its strictest definition we might feel a bit ruffled at the idea of someone "lording" over us. However, in any loving relationship doesn't each person essentially rotate the roles of vassal and Lord?  For those of you with a dirty mind, put the whip down, quit the distraction, get out of the gutter and get back up here with the rest of us and pay attention. 

Where was I? Oh. Yes....Fealty isn't merely pledging our loyalty, it is also the assignation of the relationship being sacred. When we want someone to know how much we love them we generally work hard to prove our devotion, our loyalty, our trust, our faith in them, we show tenderness, and kindness for the other person. If the feelings are mutual the person we love will in turn do the same for us. In the course of this relationship, depending on the situation, we each take turns in the roles of leading or following. We take turns in order to maintain the sacredness, to lift up the importance of how we feel about each other. We defend and we protect. If you have assumed a singular role in your relationship, whether it be vassal or Lord, then the love is clearly out of balance and likely one-sided. If your love is one sided, if you do not feel the other person is also working hard to show you their devotion, their loyalty, their trust, if they are not providing you with the tenderness and kindness that is genuine and freely given, leave. If there is a lack of fealty on your part or theirs just get out. Hotfoot it out of there like your life depends on it, because it does. 

Love isn't words, love is action, love is having faith in the other person that they are deserving of your trust, your honesty, your submission and your strength; love is the decision that you will offer an unwavering devotion, love is fealty.