No One Ever Died Over a Sofa

Until this past Wednesday.

"No one ever died over a sofa." That's what I say to my clients when they become irrationally upset over the time it takes to complete the design of their home. Unless you have born witness to the 2 women strangling each other in the furniture store over the very last CLEARANCE sofa (in red), what I say is pretty accurate. I mean, come on, in the scheme of all things real and every day, is a sofa that big of a deal? No. Lets be realistic here.

You know, the sofa doesn't translate into the literal sofa - well, sometimes it does- I use it to translate into all things for the home. Most of you know what I do for a living, I am a professional Home Interior Specialist. I come in, listen long and hard and then translate all of the information given to me by the client into a stunning, yet functional Home Design. PHEW!!! That was a lot of words!! Oftentimes this includes remodels and new construction. Right now I am working on a home that is a million plus home out in the country. It sits on a ranch. The family breeds some of the most sought after cattle in the country. Seriously. Super nice people too. Until the house came along. What is it about building a home that turns us all into deranged, border line axe murderers?

This couple I am referring to, awesome couple. I see the wife several times a week and talk to her several times a day. Every day. Starting at about 8 am every morning. Let me start closer to the beginning...

When I was brought on board the house was completely enclosed and all of the studs were in place. The flooring was already chosen as was the cabinetry to be installed in the kitchen. There were some pretty crazy ideas that were going to be put into effect. Ideas that caused me to raise an eyebrow and respond "Oh." What else can one say in such a circumstance? Yes, they were hiring me to help them create a beautiful home and given my druthers, I rather they NOT be doing some of the things they were planning. But, they didn't hire me to dash their dreams into cinder. So. You take these slightly insane ideas and as a Designer you find a way to actually make them good, solid, beautiful ideas. A for effort here?

The wife and I have hit it off immediately. We are on the same page so to speak. All of the time. We were commanded with the interior and the husband was going to take care of the structural decisions. Right. The wife and I have been thwarted by the husband at every turn. After things have been ordered. Custom things. Things that cannot be sent back. Things that have been made for them, exclusively. Thing is, I don't discover the thwarting until I arrive at the home and find NOTHING is where it should be and decisions on design were made without my knowledge. You see, if you change one thing, most often, nothing else works. A great design is defined by it's flow. It's ability to fit together like a puzzle. Well, throw one piece of the puzzle in the trash, you are screwed. SCREWED. Did I say that loudly enough?

So, I arrive out to the house this past Wednesday. The Hubby is there. As he is at the start of every day. It's fine, I don't dislike him, really. I get the fact that this is their dream home and he wants it to be perfect. So he says. He says perfect then does something that indicates it isn't about perfection but about speed. How fast can we get this house done? This house was started in January of this year. The builder projected 12 months for completion. In Florida, that is about right. If you want it done right. Keep in mind, this house is on undeveloped property and there were a lot of initials that needed to be done before they started laying the foundation, etc. I think the foundation went in early February. Any way, moving along.

I had specified a certain cap for the shower wall in the Master Bath. You know, the stone/ tile/ cap that the shower glass sits on. Well, this is about chest high and I wanted the same onyx to be used there that were are using for the counter tops. Beautiful, great tie in. Well, Hubby doesn't want to wait 2 weeks for that to happen. 2 weeks. In a Million plus home. 2 weeks. Keep in mind, this sounds trivial to most of you, I'm sure. However, if you are building a home of this stature, wouldn't you want even the small details to be perfect? Well, this is not a BIG detail but it isn't small either. It would tie the bathroom all together. It is that single missing puzzle piece that completes the puzzle. I walk in and he is having the tile guy put the same stone that is on the floor onto the cap. Because that would get it done right then. Instead of in 2 weeks.

Did any of you ever watch Ally McBeal? She used to imagine these crazy hysterical images of her life and the audience was privy to the imagery. For example, once she was being "dumped" by a guy - the image was her in a huge Dumpster being dumped into the back of a dump truck. Hysterical. Another time she saw this really HAWT guy. The imagery was her with a 3 foot tongue lolling out of her mouth like a dog panting. Pretty funny. Well, imagine me looking at this Hubby who is building the house. I drop all of my files, my tape measure, my phone, everything. I run and leap on his chest like a large jungle cat, knocking him to the floor. Instead of ripping out his jugular I begin to furiously shake him as his head repeatedly hits the stone floor underneath him. I snarl and growl and yell through clenched teeth, "This is a Million dollar plus home!!! Wait for the F'ing onyx cap!!!!" Instead, I kept my cool - okay, maybe my eyes rolled back into my head momentarily- I tell him it is his call and I leave. This is only one example of a string of these sort of decisions being made by Hubby. The house is looking like a HUGE Million Dollar hodge podge. They hired me to do a job, but won't allow me to do my job. Now, I am no meek and mild mannered person. I am pretty straight forward with everyone. Including this guy. He doesn't hear. He says okay, then does what he wants to do regardless. AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

Okay, so, now you know where I have been for months and months. Why (in addition to family issues) I have no energy left for blogging. I am exhausted.

Please forgive me. I know I have been away and when I finally do surface, I rant on and on about work. Sorry.

Oh. Hubby is still alive and the wife and I, we're good. I feel for her. She has to deal with him every day. I deal with him only a couple of times a week. Count my blessings right? By the way, I do still like the guy, he is a good guy. I just think he is suffering from Buildingahousedon'tknowwhatthefuckiamdoingitis.