I Want Truffles

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Where did I hear that? Right. Well, Forest's Mom was right. And let me tell you, right now, I must have the cheapest, crappiest box of chocolates out there because they pretty much suck. I am over it. I am pitching out the rest of this crappy chocolate and I am headed straight for the truffle counter! Give me dark chocolate filled with raspberries. Give me creamy chocolate with a dark fudge center and while you are at it, roll that son of a bitch in some bitter sweet chocolate powder. 'Cause that's how I play it. I want to choose what I'm going to get, I am tired of it being handed over to me with out any say so on my part. Dammit. Life, you can keep the crappy stuff, give me the good stuff. And that's all I got to say 'bout that.

Okay, so maybe I have a little more to say. Can you say cathartic? I am already feeling that way and I am just getting started. My posts have been few and far between lately. My plates have been full and instead of saying enough, I have just been taking it. So, it's time for a change.

Sure, there are some things in this life you are powerless to do anything about. My dad and his many health issues. His insistence that he knows better than his Doc who diagnosed him with Diabetes. Hello, you have diabetes, you take your medication. Am I right? Well, I can't do anything about the choices my Dad is making but life insists that I still have to deal with the consequences. He just came out of spinal surgery May 20th. I was there, in NC ,for his surgery. I stayed for a week. Discovered that he has not been taking his medication for almost a year. His going blind has no correlation to his diabetes and it going untreated. No, of course not. His relentless pain cannot be solved by physical therapy, just ask him, he'll tell you. His poor circulation and bad ticker don't benefit from exercise. Again, ask him, he'll give you, me and anyone who'll listen an earful. I am tired. The love I have for my Dad is true and it's deep, but he doesn't hear anything I have to say. I am helpless to help him. I am too tired now to keep trying.

The day after I got home from North Carolina I learned that a friend of ours had died. He left 3 young boys and a loving, adoring wife behind. Yes, he left them. He was a good man, someone I admired and respected. Tom suffered from incredible pain left over from a Pro Football career. To help with the pain he took pain killers. They just never seemed to help him though. Each and every day for him wasn't about whether or not he would be in pain but rather it was about what degree of pain could he manage. Most days, the pain won out and he succumbed. Finally, in the end, he has found relief. We attended his funeral last Friday.

The day before the funeral my business partner and I agreed to a divorce. My company is closing. All of the hard work I put into building it is gone. It's done. Over. The doors will close permanently at the end of this month. In the mean time I am watching everything go out the door to be pedaled away for pennies on the dollar. I am heartbroken. I am lost. I am sad. I am tired.

There are a couple of options open to me. I know there are. One seems really great, but it is still not an absolute. One possibility may take me out to Momo's neighborhood...still, nothing solid. Things in my life are headed for definite change. HUGE change. Hope I can make my car payment in the mean time.

So, as for the frigging box of chocolates, I am done with it. My stance is like I said earlier, front and center at the truffle line, choosing what comes next. Maybe I'll have some lovely choclates filled with rum...

EDIT: BTW - I AM an ENTJ!!! Dammit.