"...could you paint me better off?" matchbox 20

Apparently, I've gone far enough with the well known aspects of... progress, and are ready to face the unknown. My Horoscope says so, hence, it must be true. Hell, I'll bite. It falls right in line with what's going on  in my life at the moment. Strength and courage, guess I'll need some of that too. Thank goodness The Pour House is with in walking distance from the new place. The beer there is pretty good. It's brand new so I hope they can find the patrons they'll need to keep the place going. It's very Urban Loft looking inside, painted in blues and chocolates with cool sleek furniture, including a couple of sofas, to boot. Colour aside, it's got over 20 taps of courage and strength. LOL

Maybe I've been living someone else's life. So often, that is actually how it feels. Changing my lifestyle is going to be harder this time than it ever has been in the past. Strangely, as hard as this is for me, it feels as though I am finding my way to the person and the place that I should be. Choice.....no, this isn't the path I chose, it's the one I found myself on after other choices were made. My path, my life, is tied to another's and I think that often changes the choice you would have made if you were alone versus the ones you make when considering another person. Yes... I do have a choice in this part of the equation, but it has never really felt that way. When it comes to matters of the heart your mind sometimes loses it's ability to objectively choose. The heart makes decisions for you even when your mind is tugging at your sleeve to consider where you're headed. 

Life is About Choice

Life is about choices. Choice, that's when you exercise your freewill. We all have it. Even in the most dire of circumstances. There is a man, lying in the middle of the street. He was thrown from his vehicle when an 18 wheeler lost control and jack knifed into his car as he and his wife and daughter are on their way home from dinner. He looks to his right, he can see his wife in the car and he hears her calling to him for help.The car is upside down, it's in flames and her seatbelt held her in place. Off to his left, he hears his young daughter crying and then sees her lying in the street about 4 feet away, her leg is disjointed, broken, she can't move. His decision will affect him and his future. He can see that both are within his reach to save but he only has time to save one.....as he thinks he will go pull his wife from the wreckage, he hears a car coming towards them. But the accident is just over the crest of a hill, the oncoming car won't see the wreck until it's too late. The car won't be able to stop in time to keep from hitting the daughter lying in the road. Freewill, the man has it, pull his wife out before the car explodes or pull his daughter close...he can only do one. So often, people will say, he has NO choice. But he does, the question is, which one will he make and how will he live with his choice?

How do you live with yours?

It Does a Body Good

Change.












It does a body good............................................????????????? It does. Really. Reinventing yourself is a good thing. Life creates opportunity for us in ways we never expect. I've always believed that. Sometimes though, change fucking sucks. Yeah, I used the F'bomb. Sorry y'all but that is how this one feels. Normally, I embrace change because I know that I am going to experience new and wonderful things as well as challenging new experiences. I like that. This go around, it's breaking my heart and I am powerless to stop it.

With this change comes a whole new lifestyle and that does excite me. It excites me because I think I'll be able to reconnect with a part of me that I always loved but somehow lost track of. That part, I'm totally on board with.

Randomness? I Don't Think So

Life is full of randomness? Random happenings, random actions, random thoughts....no, I don't think so. Every thought is generated by something. A visual, a memory, an action of someone, a word spoken out loud. There are no random acts, no random thoughts...everything is a result of some sort of chain of events, no matter how small. Nothing is ever random.

Time

Today's Blog post is courtesy of Beverly Rollwagen....I hope you enjoy her as much as I do.
xoxo





She just wants to locate herself in time and space. Everything rushes past: childhood, beauty, even pain. There must be a place to rest, to take a deep breath and absorb what's gone before. She watches the face of the clock for a clue; she studies the map of her life. She notices how she's been all over, and never too long in one place. She can't decide if this is a problem or a gift. She points to a dot on the map and decides to settle there. She wants to believe that there is still time for a mailbox with her name and address in block letters. Still time to go home.

Is it Ever Enough?

How much love is enough? Do you ever wonder about that? Do you ever wonder how much love will be enough for your mind and your soul to be satiated? I do. I wonder if it's a quantity question or a quality question. Maybe it's the combination of both. If you love someone enough, doesn't that mean the quality of your love will also change? I wonder.

In my mind loving someone enough, or to the point they fill your soul up with a radiance and joy that leaves you wanting them more and wanting to give to them all that you can and all that they ask...that is the quality and quantity of love I want in my life. It's also the same kind of love I would give in return. It's the kind of love I would WANT to give

 In order for a person to give that level or quality of love I think it has to be reciprocated or your soul will shrink and your heart will gradually guard it's fragility to it's best. Most often failing at protecting itself but none the less, it will attempt to protect itself. Love is the most wonderful as well as the most painful thing any person can know.


Life seems so impossible sometimes and still it's filled with incredible possibilities at every turn of the corner.

Find Your Way Back

I finally connected via telephone with an old high school friend. No, she's not old...well, we are a lot older than we were. 25 years older. She has tickets to the Bucaneers vs Miami preseason game tomorrow here in Tampa. It's all inclusive, club seats, parking and....wait for it....oh yeah, you know it baby. A TAILGATE PARTY!!!!  LOL

I am very excited about seeing Felicia again. Yeah, and about getting a good buzz on too. LOL It's a win win in my book. Glad Marc is driving...lol. Face Book aka Crack Book is how we found out we both live 650 miles away from where we went to school. Yes, she lives in the same town I currently live in and has been here as long as we have less than 5 miles away and we didn't even know it. Ka. Ray. Zee!! It turns out, there are a few of who live here in this town. I have never run into any of them. To my knowledge any way. Maybe we have and I didn't recognise them? It's possible.

Felicia and I were talking about how on FB we see an old HS friend and we want to add them, then it hits you. Dang, wonder if they like me? What if I was mean to them in HS? What if I tried to hook up with a boy friend and didn't know they were dating another girl? What if I broke that guys heart because I was a16/17 year old who was  reckless with his feelings? What if I got someone busted for a party they were having because I told my parents the truth about where I was going and what I would be doing, not knowing the other parents had no clue a party was happening? Yes, I did that. Talk about humiliating. All those things go through your head. My head any way. Maybe I over think things?

Face Book has put a lot of us back in touch with each other. A few I have added as friends and haven't actually spoken to because I'm not sure they even remember me but accepted my request out of...I don't know, because I am a mutual friend with 32 other of their friends? LOL  yes, I over think things. I know. I dig FB though. I do.

When I was talking to Felicia today she said something out loud that I have thought but hadn't voiced. She said," I like it better than having to pick up the phone and talk most of the time." I am paraphrasing of course but her point was life is so hectic and on her side of the screen there is noise, confusion, dinner timers beeping, children yelling, dogs barking...etc etc. But inside of here, it's peaceful and quiet and she can talk. I get that. I really do. I am so excited about seeing her tomorrow. She is a part of my history and maybe now, we'll be a part of each others future too. It's really Kewl.

I probably have a lot more to talk about but I'll save it for later. Thanks for popping in and taking to time to read my mental gibberish.
xoxo