Good Manners

One of our favorite movies in the Bigun household is "Blast From The Past". It stars Brendan Fraser, Alicia Silverstone, Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek and Dave Foley. GREAT MOVIE. To give you a little background, Brendan Fraser's character, Adam, is extremely polite. So much so that little jokes are made and insinuated about his impeccable manners. Yet in his eternal good nature the character simply smiles and in return has something very polite to say that basically shuts down whoever is putting him down. He maintains his good nature and good manners. There is a line in the movie where another character is quoting Adam to Eve (Silverstone's character). He says "...Good manners is how we show others that we respect them." (I have paraphrased a little) That line has stuck with me.




I am by no means comparing myself to the character of Adam. I am more like the character played by Silverstone. I try to be polite but sometimes my cynicism kicks in or I allow someone else's bad manners to get my goat so to speak. No, I am not making excuses. That is how I am I can only wish I could be more like "Adam". Regardless, I do always try to be polite. I try to express my enthusiasm for other's accomplishments with encouragement and congratulations. My enthusiasm is genuine and my congratulations are always heartfelt. Both are always delivered with a genuine smile and a warm heart. I believe with every fiber in my being that politeness and interest in others should be genuine.

When Bigun started blogging about his journey as a triathlete he suggested that I try blogging with him. He thought I would really enjoy being a part of this community. He was right. I have enjoyed it. At first I was apprehensive because I am not a triathlete myself. Bigun's opinion was that I didn't need to be a triathlete to become a part of this online community because I live the life of a Triathlete Spouse. The word he used was "Ironwidow". Honestly, I took offense to the term. I took offense because "Ironwidow" was not at all the way I saw myself. Bigun's triathlons are as important to me as they are to him. When he doesn't train, as he has planned, I ask why. I don't complain about all of the wet training clothes hanging over the shower glass or laying in a pile on the laundry room floor or draped over the chairs out on the pool deck. I don't complain about the hours spent training. I don't complain about the stinkiness of his gear. To me, it is all a part of what he does. He trains. I am so proud of him. Making the sort of commitment he has made is not easy.Most who are reading this know and understand what a HUGE life change it is when you become a TriAthlete.

Most of you already know that Bigun started out at over 300lbs when he decided to change his life and his health. That sort of decision deserves every ounce of support I can offer. That is why I don't miss a race. His commitment is why I get up at 3:30 in the morning on race day to drive to a race. That is why I come armed with my camera and cowbells. Bigun's commitment to being a triathlete is sound and true. I love him, and I love who he is. Maybe now you understand why I don't consider myself an Ironwidow but an Iron Wife.

Bigun opened this door to the Tri blog community and because we are together in what we do in this life, he brought me along. I am so happy he did. We have found such kind and interesting people here. I would list everyone but my fear would be I would absent minded-ly leave someone out. Most of you will find yourselves in the right margin of my blog. There are still a couple of new folks I want to add, I visit their blogs but usually go through Bigun's or another blogger's site to get to them. I don't always comment on the blogs I read because sometimes they are only about their training or their nutrition. I don't want them to think I am butting in, but my heart cheers for them nonetheless. I read their posts because I am genuinely interested in how their daily journey in the world of Tris is going. However, when I read a post that writes about things I can relate to or if someone just needs a kind word or maybe they need to hear that what they are doing is worthwhile and worthy, I comment. I leave a comment because it is heartfelt and genuine. Reading these blogs, your blog, is more than reading just words on a page. Your posts are from your hearts and your souls. Your lives. You have opened the door to who you are and that deserves respect. When a person opens their lives to others the way this community has, that person deserves the same compassion you would offer the friend you see every day. Because, you must understand, we do see each other almost every day.

This is where Good Manners comes in to play. Bear in mind, I do NOT expect a reply from every comment I leave on another's post. Sometimes a comment is my polite way of saying "good job" or "congratulations" or "wow" no reply is needed. When a fellow blogger does reply back, I enjoy it. I enjoy knowing that the few minutes I took to read about their life that day meant something to them. It's like getting a "Thank You" note in the mail. Other times, I'll leave a comment expecting a reply because of the nature of the comment. Maybe it's about an upcoming race or something else going on and I leave a question. I believe that most of you out there feel the same way I do. It's a matter of Good Manners.

Yes, all of us lead very busy lives. I have not read a single blog out there that has led me to think otherwise. Some times are even busier than others. Most of us still try to post a little something to let the others know we are still out there. Bigun and I have had a house full of visitors since March. Tack that on top of work, training, chores, friends, triathlons and family, it's been busy. My posts are sometimes lacking when it's crazy around here. Sorry. I have never really cared for mediocre. Sometimes, that's all I have left at the end of the day. My feeling is, no one is too busy to be polite. No one is ever too busy to show respect and good manners to those who take the time out of their busy day to show another that they are genuinely interested in the coming events of their lives. What ever happened to Good Manners? 98% of the blogger community are kind, compassionate, good hearted people that I am now fortunate enough to share a friendship with.

When the Woodlands 101, Chicago and IMCdA arrive, some of those friendships will be cemented even more so. I am excited because I feel that I already know most of you, most of those I don't yet "know", I am looking forward to getting to know better. I am looking forward to meeting the spouses of the bloggers as much as I am looking forward to meeting the blogger themselves. Bigun is as excited about it as I am. We have talked about how fortunate our lives are to include you.

One or two of the bloggers who hang out with this community, (maybe they aren't even reading this post) are sorely lacking in Good Manners. After extending my heartfelt enthusiasm, congratulations and genuine interest to you and your efforts in the Tri world, in life- a couple of bloggers don't even have the common courtesy to reply when asked a question. Because we all have our "Bad Days" and our moments of unintended hurtfulness, I have always tried to give other's the benefit of the doubt. For a little while. Until their actions or behaviour comes across as a pattern or character trait that is obviously rude and unkind. There is no excuse for being unkind or hurtful to anyone who is attempting to extend their hand in an act of friendship. There is no excuse for blatant rudeness or tearing someone else down because you need to feel better about yourself. There is no excuse for writing posts tearing down someone else's good heart and true emotions. Some of you hide behind "Anonymous" comments (cowardice) and that is even more despicable than the rudeness. Shame on you. Perhaps I am bringing myself down to your level, but I think that sometimes things need to be said out loud instead of being ignored, hoping it will stop. When you ignore Little Tyrants, they never go away, they simply grow bigger because no one is willing to put a stop to their behaviour. I wish I could be as eloquent and as gracious as Momo was when she addressed a disgusting and abusive attack from an Anonymous contributor.

For those of you who I am fortunate enough to share my laughs, my joy, my enthusiasm and sometimes my sentimentality, please forgive me. My tolerance for bullies and rude people (see the 1st anon comment) lasts for a little while. After a bit though, I find it inexcusable and feel compelled to inform the trespasser of their abusiveness with the hope that they simply didn't realise how rude they were being and will make a concerted effort to change their behaviour. (although in the example I have shown, they definitely know how rude they are, that's why they hide behind "Anonymous")

Please bear in mind, this post is NOT intended for anyone with whom I converse with on a regular basis (if you are in the right margin) lol. I cannot wait for the upcoming races so that I can see your faces and already know the wonderful person behind the smiling eyes. Thanks for reading.


Di